Broken Illusions
by vivtheviolinist
Summary: Bolin's POV from when Korra lost her bending. Featuring one-sided Borra, one-sided Masami, Makorra, and Bosami.


Bolin knew that if it had been him in Korra's place, he wouldn't have been able to even laugh hollowly like he was trying to do now. But laughing was how Bolin got along in life. No matter how grim the circumstances, he'd always been able to hide behind a mask of optimism. And circumstances were looking grim, indeed.

He simply could not imagine his life without bending. Even as a young street urchin traipsing after Mako everyday to survive, there had not been a time when he hadn't earth bended, and the thought of living without being able to bend was analogous as to the thought of living limbless. The thought of Korra having to go through that made goosebumps crawl up Bolin's arm, scaring him more than the thought of losing his _own_ bending.

It had only been about twenty minutes since Korra had gone in to see Katara, but to Bolin it felt more like twenty hours.

_Deep breath, Bolin, _he commanded himself silently. _Now, let's go over the plan once more. Scenario A:_

"_Korra! You got your bending back!" Hug. Look deep into her eyes…and…_

Did he dare even dream about it?

…_And then kiss, maybe…_

He felt a slight tug at his elbow. "Pabu, scat! I'm in the middle of a day—"

"It's me, Bolin." Bolin lifted his head up to see Mako's sulky face staring back at him. "…Just…just wondering if you're OK. Your face turned fire-red just a second ago."

"Huh? Oh, y-yeah, I'm all good, Mako…" Bolin stammered, realizing that Mako had caught him blushing. He coughed. "Just…worrying about Korra, that's all."

Mako nodded darkly. "Mind if I sit with you?"

Without awaiting Bolin's reply, Mako set himself down next to Bolin, rested his arms on his knees and hunched his shoulders over in tension.

_Scenario B_, thought Bolin, continuing his daydream.

"_Korra! You're…Oh. I'm so sorry…" Hug. A very strong, warm hug that transfers all your thoughts and concerns without words while she quietly sobs into your arms, as you bury your nose in her warm hair that smells like—_

"Bolin," Mako said again, interrupting his daydreams once more.

"Yeah, Mako?"

"Do you…" Mako gave a great sigh. "Do you think Korra will be alright?"

For the first time in his life, Bolin looked into his older brother's eyes and saw raw fear, worry, and anxiety. Mako had never been one to show fear. Even as kids on the street after their parents' deaths, Mako had never, ever, not once looked at Bolin with such despair and hopelessness. The unprecedented shock almost made Bolin flinch away in surprise.

A sudden childhood memory played through Bolin's mind.

"_Bolin! Bolin! Did you fall down again?"_

"_Brother!" he cried, and held up his arms. "I tried running after that little red fire ferret again, but he's just so fast!"_

_"You'll catch him someday," Mako stiffly reassured. "Oh, Bolin, be careful, look at the state of your knees."_

_Bolin caught sight of his scraped and bloody knees, and burst into hysterical, six-year old tears. "I'M DYING, MAKO! I'M DYYIIIING!"_

_"You're not dying, Bolin," Mako said with a sigh, helping his tiny, sobbing figure up. "Now hold on, and I'll help you get cleaned up."_

_Bolin's cries quietly subdued as he watched with keen admiration as Mako patched his knees up. _

"_How come _you _never fall down, Mako?"_

"_Because I don't go chasing after devious little fire ferrets like you do," Mako said through gritted teeth, attempting to bite the long, cloth bandage into a workable strip for Bolin's knees._

_"Mako, don't you ever cry?" Bolin asked after five minutes. He felt Mako's hand stiffen. _

_"No," he answered. _

_"Mako, you aren't scared of anything, are you?" Bolin said in awe. _

_A ghost of a smile played on Mako's lips, the first that had appeared since their parents' deaths. "As long as I've got you, I can't be scared of anything."_

It took years for Bolin to finally understand the true meaning behind Mako's words. Mako was the older brother, the one that had to protect him no matter what, and he couldn't afford to show weakness. He felt the need to create the illusion of the sturdy pillar Bolin would always be able to rely on, but he had finally cracked this one time.

Because of Korra.

It was Bolin's turn to protect Mako now. "Korra? If she heard you worrying about her, she'd probably punch you in the face," he told Mako in response to his earlier question. Mako neglected to smile.

"She'll be fine, Mako."

Mako continued to sit in tense silence.

Bolin instantly felt a twinge of guilt for his fantasies starring Korra and himself, but it quickly fled when Asami came to join him and Mako.

_Mako has Asami_, he insisted to himself obstinately, watching as Asami laid her head on Mako's stiff shoulder. He tried not to think about the time he had walked in on Mako and Korra kissing—no, he wouldn't think of it. It was too painful, and having that scene haunt him in his nightmares every night was bad enough already.

The door opened with an almost silent hiss as Katara emerged. Mako and Bolin stood up at the same time together.

"Korra," they demanded in unison. The look on Katara's morose face was all they needed for an answer.

Moments later, a blur of blue ran outside, bringing in a burst of frigid air into the room.

"Korra!" Mako shouted and ran after after her, shoving Asami to the side and leaving Bolin in the dust.

"Korra..." Bolin echoed quietly, watching as the bright red of his brother's scarf receded quickly into the distance as he ran after the girl they both loved.

Ok, so since Mako chased after Korra already, it didn't mean that he couldn't either. Who knows, maybe Korra didn't want sulky old Mako's comforting, and would seek his help comfort. Allowing himself to hope once more, Bolin eagerly rushed out the door, following after Korra and Mako's footsteps in the sparkling snow.

If he had bothered to look back, he would've seen Asami hesitantly trailing after him.

* * *

It hurt more than he had thought he would.

Bolin had predicted this somewhere in the bottom of his heart, but had refused himself to acknowledge it and had foolishly chased on, after the lost cause that was Korra.

But Korra looked happy. Mako looked happy. They were lost in their own world of closed eyes and locked lips, lost in each other's warmth and presence, lost together in a world that Bolin would never be a part of. Bolin was the incongruous loudmouth shunned into the freezing cold, the one who loved but would never be loved back, the one hiding creepily behind a block of ice, making himself sad by watching this private moment. Deep down he had known that he was nothing to Korra except a shoulder to lean on.

Bolin had thought that the last time he had walked in on them kissing was bad, but no, _this_ was even worse—they weren't even trying to hide it this time, and the happiness shone all over their faces, not a care in the world about anyone else, just the two of them enveloped together in a warm embrace in the freezing cold. Bolin had thought that Korra had damaged his heart beyond repair before. She hadn't.

But Bolin refused to cry this time.

After all, what could be better than the happiness of the girl he loved and his very own brother?

* * *

Laughter. It'd been a while since he had heard it, but Bolin would recognize that sound anywhere. Mako's laugh.

Accompanied, of course, by the boisterous sound of Korra's booming laugh.

"MY BENDING!" she shouted breathlessly. "BOLIN! TENZIN! EVERYONE! MY BENDING'S BACK!"

As everyone gathered around Mako and Korra to congratulate Korra on her restored bending, Bolin walked off alone in no particular direction, and cursed himself. He had lost to his tears, and they were now flowing freely down his face in rivulets.

"Stop it, you," he said aloud to himself. "It's a w-wonderful turn of events. Korra got back her bending, and look at you! It's a beautiful day, the sun's setting prettily over the ice, and you're just sitting pitifully in the snow under this godforsaken tree, crying your eyeballs out like the time you fell down when you were five. What's wrong wi-"

"Bolin?" came an equally sad sounding voice from the other side of the tree. There was a soft rustle, and Asami's face loomed in front of him.

"A-Asami!" Bolin cried out in shock, embarrassedly wiping his tears away with his forearm. "H-Hey. Just...Just something in my eye," he said as a weak excuse. _Sure, Bolin,_ he told himself. _People with things in their eyes have to talk to themselves out loud to comfort themselves._

Asami looked unconvinced. She took a seat next to Bolin under the tree, her back resting against the rough bark and her shoulder touching Bolin's left one.

After a moment of silence, Asami took Bolin's hand. "Bolin," she softly whispered. "Do you... Do you ever sometimes feel like a wretched person, knowing that you're supposed to be happy for someone, but you simply just...can't?" She looked up and their eyes met. Bolin saw the anguish and torment about his feelings for Korra reflected in Asami's jade eyes, eyes that glimmered with guilt she felt towards Mako and Korra's relationship.

Dimly aware of what was going on, Bolin raised Asami's hand up, and clenched it gently. "I know just the feeling," he replied, getting closer to her. "But there's no use in sulking anymore, is there?" And even though every fiber of Bolin's being was screaming at him to stop, that this was wrong, he found his lips pressing against Asami's cold ones, felt his hands go on her shoulders, pushing her carefully against the tree as she returned the kiss, both of them dampening each other's cheeks with the tears they were crying—tears that represented their broken love for Korra and Mako.

As time went on and he and Asami officially announced that they were dating, Bolin knew that each kiss, every touch, and every glance, they were not looking at each other. They were looking at the illusions of Mako and Korra, illusions of the people they would love forever, but would never be able to have.

But for now, this illusion was enough.


End file.
